First, I would like to clear up a few things by showing you the definition of Single and Relationship…
Single: Meaning only one, not one of several. Solo, unmarried, unwed, unattached, and free.
Relationship: The way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected. Bond, connection, link, alliance.
Ok, let’s begin. I want to start by saying that there is NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING SINGLE! Whoever started this whole trend of looking down on people who are single should be ashamed of themselves. I am here to tell you that it is perfectly fine to be single and happy; and I hope this article puts your restless mind at ease when you feel like you should go out there and find a boyfriend/girlfriend or wife/husband just because you feel like everyone else is doing it. It’s a terrible thing that we as humans, are ashamed of being Single. To be comfortable and happy with ourselves. Like being Single is a “no-no”, and it’s only used as a sad, lonely word to describe people who can not find love as easily as others.
In fact, many people have the attitude that you are doomed to be alone for the rest of your life if you have been single for a year or more. I mean, first of all, why do we have to spend our lives looking for someone to be with anyway. Yes, it is our nature to naturally want someone's company; to have someone to talk to, embrace, and care for, but I feel that so many people rush this and start to see it as a mission for survival, rather than a natural calling. To continuously look for love, instead of letting love, true love, find you, is a constant battle with yourself that is unnecessary. I mean, just look at what people do on Valentine’s Day. So much money is spent on a simple holiday, just to show someone you care about them. Now, pardon me if I’m wrong, but I really think you should just show someone you care all through the year, not just on Valentine’s Day. You shouldn’t feel the need to spend your rent and car payment money on gifts and such just for one day out of the year to show your loyalty. But Retailers love this day because they make so much money off of our insecurities; and we fall into this same trap every year because we are so afraid to be alone on Valentine’s Day. Hell, to be alone period.
If you think I am exaggerating, check this out: The USNews reported predicting this years (2015) Valentine’s Day retail spending was to reach almost $19 Billion. That’s crazy money! And I’ll bet that there are people out there that spend their time and money trying to court someone when it gets closer to V-Day, just to get a girlfriend/boyfriend, or even a sexy one-night-stand. They go above and beyond just so they will not have to be alone on the number #1 Couples Day of the year.
See, it’s things like this that make people feel the need to go out there and spend money on speed dating and dating sites like Match.com or Eharmony.com, to find someone to love, when they could really just embrace being single as a natural fact of life, not a problem or a curse.
I really think that people view being Single as 2 things: 1) That you must be crazy, weird, abstinent, or celibate, or 2) That you are a man whore or a slut, and you are only single to sleep around with whomever you want with no consequences. Ok people, let’s be real about this...I am sure that there are many people who are crazy, weird, abstinent, and celibate that have a significant other. Just because you are not having sex, or refuse to do so until the time is right, does not mean you are incapable of having a boyfriend or girlfriend. And, I have actually seen plenty of people who I deem to be crazy or weird who are in constant relationships. I mean, the crazy ones need love to.
I say this to explain that just because you are in a relationship, does not mean it is a healthy one; and it also doesn't make you cooler, famous, popular, immortal, etc. There are many couples out there, who don’t even know who they are dating, or even who they are married to.
They do know, however, deep down in their mind, that maybe they got together because they were so much in like, lust, or fell in love too quickly that they didn’t even bother to really build a foundation with that person before committing to something serious.
Now, from what I have heard, It seems that mostly older people (50+), Baby Boomers, and deep religious families, like Catholics, are the ones that think you have a problem if you are single. Since many of them, especially our generation's grandparents come from a background of people getting married and having babies all the time. I mean, back in the 50’s, it was perfectly normal and very common to have a significant other to marry and have a family with. By high school, many people had long term relationships started. They would carry these relationships on through college; and after graduating would immediately get married and have kids. But this is not how the world turns today. We now know that getting married, let alone having a boyfriend/girlfriend is not a necessity of life.
We also know that you do not have to have a family to feel complete. Not everyone is meant to be a parent, and many people are not really ready to be a parent when they think they are. That’s a fact. Although, some people still see these things as strong elements to following a righteous path to the American Dream. But they soon find out what they knew all along; which is that maybe they should have been single a little while longer so they could figure out what the right love for them is. To see if they even understood what real love was in the first place.
So many people try to find love in all the wrong places,at the wrong time. These places could be a bar, a club, an AA meeting, church, a wedding, Prom, the movies, Disney Land, etc. To be honest, there really isn’t a certain place that is morally “wrong” for finding love. If you are looking for love desperately, then you will only find something temporary. If you are looking for a lustful relationship, you will definitely find your one-night, two-night, or three-night-stand. If you are looking for a rebound kind of love, you will only hurt yourself more in the end, and the other person’s heart will be shattered by your false feelings. Remember, you can have sex all you want with someone for days, months, even years, and still not know them, nor be in a committed relationship. No matter how strong you think your sexual connection is, it is usually meant to fail. Once you see that you and the other person only do only one thing, day after day, night after night, and never really take a breathe to talk to each other, you know that’s a lustful relationship.
Which brings me to reason number 2, on how people think some single people are single to be sluts or whores in the street.
Now, this may shock you, but there really are single people out there that are single by choice. Maybe they have been hurt so many times before, that they feel they just need a break. A sabbatical if you will, from dating idiot losers who only want to use them and abuse them. This goes for men and women. But most importantly, maybe they wanted to take the time to get to know themselves. Maybe they wanted to see if they could enjoy themselves first, before trying to find someone they feel will complete them and make them happy. At the end of the day, its just not worth it to try and find someone who will make you 100% happy 24 7. No one can do that for you. It’s not possible. You are in charge of your own happiness.
The goal is to find your lifelong partner, not your lifelong maid or butler. Butlers and maids have the job to do whatever it is to make their master comfortable and happy, no matter what. But do you really want a relationship like this? Where all you two do is make eachother happy all the time, while never speaking your mind to bring up necessary debates on life, your relationship, and what the future holds. Your partner is not supposed to make you happy and do what you say all of the time. That wouldn’t be real, and it would be selfish on your part since the other person is too gullible to ever say no to you. But if you want a lover that has no backbone, be my guest.
You see, communication is the key to having a solid foundation for a good relationship. You have to build trust from communicating with each other. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner what's wrong, what bothers you about them, what makes you sad, angry, distant, and jealous. Keeping those thoughts inside for fear of them leaving you only makes your relationship weaker. Talk to your partner and get to know them so you can build a lasting relationship with them. But never forget about YOU in the process. Try getting to know yourself and see what your really want out of life and partner. Once you start to love and respect yourself, the right person will come along and you will make the perfect team. My advice, always chose someone who makes you better; almost like a role model. For example, I admit, I am sometimes anti-social and intimidating. So, it would be good for me to find someone that is very social and outgoing. It would also be a plus for them to be laid-back and approachable. I think that if you find someone who makes you better, you are already ahead of the game.
So, go ahead and change that Relationship Status to “Single”. Be proud of your choice to be single; for there is nothing to be ashamed of. Yes, you may feel lonely and times, and feel that you stand out in the crowd among your coupled friends, but being in a relationship should not be a socialite competition anyway. It should be true and pure, and come naturally when the time is right. And with that, I will leave you with this quote…
“It is human nature to want it, and want it right now. But it is also a sign of immaturity. Being willing to delay pleasure for a greater result is a sign of maturity. What we really need is usually what we didn’t know at first. And what we want is usually in the form of unrealistic requests. But what we deserve is always attainable, and that my friend, is the biggest gift you will ever receive”.