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*That Ain't Yo Friend!*

This article is geared towards all the women of the world, young and old. Since I feel that we all do this, and we are all guilty of it, I must speak to the ladies first and foremost. So I say to all women, with the utmost honesty,

“Ladies, Ladies, Ladies...I don’t know if you knew this but, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE YOU DON'T LIKE!”

No one is going to make you be friends with someone you don’t like, that is your choice to do so. You really have no good reason to HAVE TO be friends with someone you don’t like. It’s truly a waste of time, and it makes you both look incompetent, desperate, and naive. Think about it, how real is the friendship anyway if the under-layer is deceit, distrust, envy, and hate? What real good can come of being friends with someone, man or woman, that you hate? The way I see it is, having fake friends, or even just one fake friend, is a gamble. You will always be fearful of them backstabbing you, so you always have to keep your guard up. Why would you want to do this on the daily? It’s like living a second life when you have to be fake with that person constantly just to show that you are still their friend. But are you really? We have to MAN UP and start telling each other how we really feel, and let it be what is. If there are big problems in your friendship, that cannot be solved, let that mess go. It will only hurt you in the end. Not everyone deserves your kindness, and you don’t really look like the better and bigger person when you tolerate fake friends. You just look stupid. As in, NOT SMART. You know deep inside, you are just putting on a show for them? But for what? Since you don’t really trust them, or you secretly hate them, you will never truly let them get close to you. Now, please explain to me how that is a real friendship? I would love to know…

Ladies, it is truly a shame that from the time we are little girls, to the time we are called to Heaven, that we act so shady and catty with one another. Why do we do these crazy passive aggressive things anyway? It’s really childish, and it makes us seem unpredictable and untrustworthy. Why can’t we just be like men? Fight it out, apologize, then start over as TRUE and REAL friends. I mean, men have it down when getting over stuff quickly, but way. We will hold a grudge, with a man or woman, until Death Do Us Part. It’s the catty and shadiness that fuels the fire to us getting and keeping a Frenemy. Oh, what’s a Frenemy you say? I can tell you that simply. The true meaning of this word, and yes it is actually in the dictionary if you didn’t know, is “a person with whom one is friendly with, despite a fundamental dislike or rivalry.” Oh yes, this is a common problem among women, and always has been. I think we are just more clever with it, and have actually kind of become proud of it after the 21 Century.

As you can see above this article, I have a “Mean Girls” movie scene picture as the description. This is because, when I Googled the word “Frenemy” many pictures of Mean Girls popped up. If you have seen this movie before, you would know exactly why I dubbed this picture to be the subject image for this article. This movie is the epitome of how women act with each other and having fake friends. And don’t be fooled by the movie being placed in a High School environment. This movie shows how women act regardless of what age they are and their whereabouts. Women do this at work, school, church, court, PTA meetings, sororities, fundraisers, you name it. It seems that there is no place that will stop us from being fake with each other, instead of just admitting to truth to one another. Why do we do this to ourselves? Don’t we deserve to have and keep real friends that will last a lifetime and be there when we need them? Don’t we want loyal trustworthy friends in life? From what I have seen, heard, and how I have acted before in past situations, I admit, I don’t think we really want to have real friends. Maybe it’s because we think that having a real friend is hard to find. That it’s a rarity if a man or woman decides to be trusting, loyal, and giving to us, just because they love us for who we are and care for us. It seems like everyone always has their own agenda in the end, and no one really has your back. Sometimes, not even your family has your back, and they can be just as much a frenemy as your outside friends can.

Here is an example...think of this scenario in your head. Try to picture it image by image….

There is a new girl that you work with. You two are the same age, have the same work background, and you both love your job. You had this job first, but she came a year later after one of your colleagues left. She has made the perfect impression at work with her beautiful long blonde hair, you wish you had. Her cute and sexy petite frame, you wish you had. Her ocean blue eyes, you wish you had. Her natural charisma and socialite talent, you wish you had. And even her smooth confidence she has when flirting with the hot guy down the hallway you have had a crush on for months, is what you wish you had. Now you can see why this would start to get a female’s emotions flared up because we hate to be left out, and pushed aside from the spotlight by another woman who seems to be better than we are. But think of this...even though you have long flowing black hair, gorgeous brown eyes, are tall and slender, are best friends with your boss, hold the record for getting your work done on time, and never being late, and are seen as the most reliable employee at the office, you are still jealous of her. And better yet, because you two have to work together in the same department, you feel the need to be friends with her anyway. Or at least try to make her your frenemy. So you go along dealing with her perfectness everyday until you’ve had enough of it. You then decide to go up to her at work, invite her to lunch on your break, and have a “genuine” conversation about life and goals. After having lunch, with tons of laughs, smiles, and girly jokes, you feel that you have now sealed a friendship with her. You even start to go out of your way to have her meet your friends outside of work, and later on she starts to hang out with them more than they ever hung out with you. You bring her breakfast or coffee every now and then at work, just to keep your eye on her, but you never see her buy you anything afterwards. You even continue to let her flirt with the hot guy you had a crush on down the hall because you are trying to keep her as your friend. Even though you know you hate it when she does that, and can easily let her know of your intentions with him. So here you are giving and giving and giving to someone YOU DO NOT LIKE, who really doesn’t give a damn about you and obviously could care less about your feelings, even if you did express them to her. What do you get in return for starting this frenemy friendship for now reason? NOTHING! Nothing but a waste of your time and weary conscience. You knew you didn’t like her from the beginning, and here you go trying to be friends with her with no benefit, but to try and keep your eye on her…..? WOW! How crazy is that?! (and this just an example of what really does happen 24 7 with women and creating frenemies)

I say again...Ladies, ladies, ladies. Please. STOP! WASTING! YOUR! TIME! It’s not worth it. If you do not like a girl at school, near your home, at church, at work, or even in your book club, if you don’t like her for good common reasons, like she is a liar, she’s deceitful, she’s trying to take your man, she talks mess about you behind your back, then LEAVE HER ASS ALONE! Cause GIIIIIIIIIIIRL, THAT AIN’T YO FRIEND!

Yea yea yea, I know, God says to love your enemies. But you can MOST DEFINITELY LOVE THEM FROM AFAR. AND PRAY FOR THEM FROM AFAR. God shows you your true enemies on purpose. Believe that! God knows who he has sent down to you to be your true and loyal friend, and trust me, if you watch for the signs, you will know who is who. I learned this the hard way, many times before. But now I know better, and I live my life every day thinking this way:

“You must treat people the way you want to be treated. Whether you are at work or in your everyday social life, you must treat people with respect. And respect is earned, not just given to anyone and everyone just because; like giving out candy to children. If you want respect, you go get it. If you want to be treated with respect, give respect to others. If someone has shown you their true colors are only bad intentions, leave them alone. Respect them, yes, but no more than that. Do not hang out with them, do not ask for favors, do not ask for help, do not give them more than they deserve, don’t tell them your business, do not invite them out, have them meet your friends, join you for lunch, etc. You don’t owe anyone who mistreats you ANYTHING! NOTHING! But only respect. But of course, respect can only go so far with some people.”

Come on ladies, you can let go of your fake friends who have no real meaning in your life. I mean, you act like there are no real friends out there for you to meet. Trust me, like the saying goes, “there are plenty of fish in the sea”, the same goes for finding true friends. Yea, these Housewives Reality TV shows may look fun and funny, with the way these crazy women treat each other. But it’s kind of sad once you think about it. These women feel the need to be friends with each other just because they are scared to lose their fake friendship. Whether they keep being friends with each other for money, fame, or comfort, it’s still not helping them in the end. Hints, all the crazy arguments that they have on a daily basis and drama to the extreme. They look crazy and desperate. That’s how we look as women. We are trying to be friends with someone we don’t like or even respect. It’s like begging. It makes us look like we are desperate for friends and we have no higher thoughts of ourselves. We wear our insecurities on our sleeves when we play the role of the fake friend. And isn’t exhausting to do this over and over again? I think so.

I just think of it like this...if she doesn’t acknowledge and appreciate you, honey, THAT AIN’T YO FRIEND. If she constantly lies to you about stupid or small matters, THAT AIN’T YO FRIEND. If she tries to steal your man, knowing he is yours, THAT AIN’T YO FRIEND. If she treats you as her competition at work and in life, THAT AIN’T YO FRIEND. If she treats you like you are beneath her, and you have no say in things, THAT AIN’T YO FRIEND. If she does not respect you in front of others, but she respects you without an audience, THAT AIN’T YO FRIEND. If she doesn’t help you when you are down, THAT AIN’T YO FRIEND. If she always complains about you to other people, but not to your face, THAT AIN’T YO FRIEND. If she does not invite you to her parties or social gatherings, but is too scared to say why, THAT AIN’T YO FRIEND. If she constantly tries to one up you, and steals your thunder, THAT AIN’T YO FRIEND. If she purposely gives you bad advice, just to see you fail, THAT AIN’T YO FRIEND. If she believes others lies over your truth, knowing they are wrong, THAT AIN’T YO FRIEND. And honey, if she treats your friendship like it’s a chore, and you can tell she is only being fake with you to gain something out of it, sweetheart, SHE WAS NEVER YO FRIEND to begin with.

Remember this, respecting someone is not the same as being friends with someone. You can respect someone and not feel the need to butter them up, smile in their face, and spend time with them. If they have done nothing but disrespect you, YOU DO NOT OWE THEM YOUR FRIENDSHIP. Besides, a real woman would not be worried about childish fake people anyway. A real woman can always see the forest through the trees, and does not have time for foolishness. So, who do you want to be? A strong woman with morals, or a weak minded girl who’s desperate for attention? Choose wisely...

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