“Oh So HE Can, But I Can’t?!”
Welcome back ladies and gentlemen and thank you for joining me again for the continuation of my Double Standard Series. I am very excited because this week I will be talking about a subject that hits close to home for men and women and is very popular among Feminists. This week I want to talk about a popular Double Standard that many men and women deem to be accurate for women, but not accurate for men. This Double Standard is called “Slut: A Woman With The Morals of a Man.”
Before we begin, I would like to give you the definition of a “Slut”...
Slut: A woman who has many casual sex partners. (Promiscuous woman, Prostitute, Whore)
Now, I am sure that this definition seems pretty normal to you once you read it and think “Oh yea, I already knew that.” But for me, I see a HUGE problem with this simple definition. To be honest, I feel like it was a man that gave this definition for a Slut anyway. But since I have no way to prove that, and I don’t want to get too deep into the “Blame Game”, I will just ask this simple question: Why is this definition only speaking of women? Is it because the word Slut is a feminine name or title only used for women because we are the only ones who deserve that title? Or is it because men are never seen as Sluts and Whores when having many casual sex partners. They are seen as Studs, Kings, and the Ultimate Players.
Slut: A Woman With the Morals of a Man
You may have wondered why I chose the title above for this week's article. I can explain that simply. I actually saw this definition online when I was looking up the word Slut for a definition with images to follow. I came across a picture that had the phrase “Slut- A Woman With the Morals of a Man”. I found this intriguing because I had never seen Slut described as that before. But I wasn’t surprised by the definition's deeper meaning since, in my mind, whoever wrote this is right on point. So instead of using good ol’ Webster’s definition of a Slut, I decided to use this definition instead. After All, it makes more sense to me, and the Webster definition seems dated and Sexist.
So, let’s talk about why people think only women can be sluts, but never ever men. First, I have to say, we live in a world where society is run by men. It’s the truth, men have a lot of say in so many things that society has no choice but to believe it and stick to it.
People (mostly men and old-fashioned people) think that women should be sweet, innocent, and maternal all the time, and nothing else. That we should always hold ourselves to a higher standard and never let loose too much, since that is not classy or “ladylike”. And by that I mean that it is not ladylike for women to do the same things as men, socially, physically, and sexually. But doesn’t this sound like the world just doesn’t want us to not have as much fun as men? Many people think that a woman is a potential slut if she goes out to clubs, bars, or parties with friends often. She is called a flirt if she meets men at these venues and holds conversations with them. She could be livin’ it up on the dancefloor all night with her girlfriends and it’s fine. But let her decide to dance with a few guys in the club, and she now has the red mark of the Scarlet Letter for Slut. And she could easily be called a tease if she meets a guy, has a good time, finds chemistry, but doesn't go home with him. Basically, if a woman goes out to have fun and meets guys, she’s a slut; and both men and women think this. I mean, we just can’t win can we? To call a woman a Slut just because it is so easy to do nowadays, it’s sad. Many people just throw that word around like it’s nothing, and they don’t even know that person.
A woman can easily call another woman a slut if she has a personal problem with her, like the way she looks, what she does for a living, or the common problem of “he’s my ex's new girlfriend and I hate her just because.” issue. And a man can call a woman a slut easily if she has morals like him. And that is, being a Player. And that just really works my nerves because men have gotten away with this since the dawn of time, and it’s just not fair that women can not do the same and get away with no ridicule. Women are shamed if they take on many sexual partners of men that are not their boyfriend or husband. Now, forgive me if I am wrong, but if a woman is single, with no significant other, she can do whatever she wants. She is not bound to anyone by law or relationship. And this is the same for men. They can do what they want if they are single, and it’s really nobody’s business to judge in that matter. It’s really no one's business to judge period, but that’s another subject. Now, I can see the wrong in both men and women if they are in a relationship but are constantly promiscuous with other people. That is just selfish, and it shows other people that you don’t care about them and you just want to have your cake and eat it too. Totally understandable. But what I have a problem with is that a man can be a total whore and bring different women to his place left and right on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis, and no one says a thing. It’s like it’s perfectly normal for him to be a nasty manwhore and there is no harm or shame in it. But let a woman do that and be seen...she is doomed.
The way I see it, men think that they can do whatever they want, and that’s how it should be because they are in charge. I mean, how unfair is that. As a woman, you could be pretty or ugly, rich or poor, famous or average, fat or skinny, smart or dumb, and you could still be called a slut for sleeping with multiple men as a single woman. Heck, if you are in a marriage, and you cheat on your husband, for some ungodly reason, you are punished more because you are a woman and women must be always faithful, caregiving Christians who should do no wrong and obey their husband at all times. It is so easy to let men get away with being promiscuous because they do it all the time and no one tries to stop them. It’s almost like no one cares. If a man has many women in his life that he is not attached to, he is seen as a “BOSS” and a “Gold Metal Hustler” if you will. And these are good things. To have many women just to use them for sex is seen as an accomplishment of manhood and is constantly praised. Especially with younger men that are not married with children.
I would like to mention two things before I get into the Dating aspect of this Double Standard. First, I know that many people say women who give it up easily are truly Sluts because they do not respect themselves enough to let the man work for it and get to know them before he takes them to bed. I have a lovely statement for that...MEN WHO HAVE SEX WITH WOMEN THEY DON’T KNOW ON THE FIRST NIGHT ARE GIVING IT UP EASILY TOO! Why do we, as women, have to hold on longer than men? What difference does it make if a woman sleeps with a man she just met, versus a man doing the same thing with a woman he just met? There is no difference, it’s all about the way people think women should be sexually. GROW UP!
There, that’s taken care of. Now for my second thing I would like to mention. The fact that women who have many male friends are seen as potential sluts. If a woman has many male friends whom she hangs out with, but does not date, she is seen as promiscuous. People think she is lying about the friendship she has with her guy friends since it is said that a man and a woman can never be “just friends”. The friendship between the man and woman is seen to be not real, and that she just wants to keep those gullible men in the friend zone to do things for her and use them. I have another statement for the men that constantly talk about this as a negative...OH, SO IT’S OK IF YOU HAVE MANY GIRLFRIENDS, BUT I CAN’T HAVE MANY GUY FRIENDS? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? IT IS PERFECTLY POSSIBLE TO HAVE FRIENDS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX AND NOTHING MORE! YOU’RE JUST MAD BECAUSE YOU CAN’T KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS IF YOU WERE FRIENDS WITH A WOMAN. I mean, I really see this to be a jealous thing with men and women who are in a relationship, but society views women having lots of guy friends as wrong and suspicious. And if the men or women are no threat to your healthy relationship, it doesn’t matter who’s friends with who.
(sigh) After all that, I want to conclude this article by talking about a sensitive issue that makes this Double Standard hard to deal with Dating wise. I want to talk to the men for a second and ask you some easy questions. Are you listening? Good. Let me tell you what we women have to deal with when we start a relationship with you. After going through all the red flags, checking your social media, relationship status, and defining your loyalty to us, we only have one problem left that cannot be fixed. How many women you have been with. Now, most of you, as men, will look into a girls past and present, just like we do, before you start dating her, or even having sex with her. One of the things you look at is how many men she has been with sexually, or if you know any of them. It’s a challenge to find this out for both of us, but it does help if you know the same people and live in the same city. We have to do our research on each other. This makes sense since neither one of us wants to be with a hoe that has had way too many sex partners and could potentially be carrying a disease. No one wants to be at risk. But I will tell you now that we as women have no choice but to look the other way in this matter. We can get mad at you once we find out your sexcapades, and we can ask you questions to get important details, but it won’t change the fact that we have to deal with your promiscuity before you meet us. We have to just take you for your word because we know you will never tell us the real number of women you had in your bed or name of the girl you had sex with on New Year's Eve. Or the fact that you dated our best friend in college, and we are no longer friends because of it.
We as women know that men get around a lot. Especially if they are good looking, and have their life together (car, money, house, etc). We know in the back of our mind that you have been with many women and it was easy because society didn’t shame you for it. Society didn’t demean you for bringing 50+ women to your place in a month by calling you a slut, whore, or a tease. Your male friends and family members praised you for collecting different types of women for fun because it shows that you were a “G” or a “Pimp”. Wow! Lucky you, that you got away with all the disgusting things you did before you met the right girl. Yay for you that you were able to dip in and out of a girl's life whenever you wanted and it didn’t matter because you’re invincible. You used women for their body constantly, not caring about their feelings even once, and you got away with it Scot Free. And here is something really sad; we know that if we had the same sexcapades as you did before and we told you, we would be shunned for it. I mean, you think you are scared to tell us all the nasty things you did, but we are terrified. We know that if we tell you about our past, you will see us as a slut, and you most likely will leave us for it. You will deem us to be nastier than you ever were; unclean, and automatically unfaithful. What’s worse, you might even spread it around to your friends so they can think the same things and spread it to others as well. Which is really spreading lies. And we could do the same thing to you, but no one will care since it’s nothing critical. We will be punished for having sexual activity with more than 10 men, even though we cannot punish you for the same with more than 20 women. Do you know how unfair that is and how much that hurts us? To be punished for the same thing you do. When will it end...?
The point is, it’s not that we want to be respected as hoes who sleep around. No. I just think it would be fair to be treated equally in our sexual endeavors as me are. If women are sluts, men can be sluts too. That definition of Slut that Webster has needs to be changed from “women” to “a person”. It is not fair that only women are seen as sluts for the same thing men do. It’s ridiculous. We should not be judged harshly for the same thing men do on a daily basis. And being a Slut should not be seen as so negative anymore. We have made it a negative word overtime with women, but it doesn’t have to be that way. I am just being open-minded here. Let me give you an example: Do you remember Samantha Jones? From Sex and the City? Samantha was single, successful, sexy, and proud. She loved to be in charge, and was a true New York City Socialite since she worked in Public Relations. Samantha was a strong woman with a great career and great friends to boot. She knew what she wanted and took it at her discretion. She was sometimes aggressive, but mostly sweet and well mannered. But most importantly, she was the ultimate Sex Queen out of the three other women on the show (Carrie, Miranda, and Charlotte). Always on the prowl looking for men to take home to her bed, or their bed for that matter. Her open sexuality was in your face with high confidence. Yes, she was very entertaining in this role as a horny older woman who needed her sex fix daily. But did people really embrace her open sexuality in real life? I wonder what people really thought of her character? Oh I know, they thought she was a “SLUT” because she had the same morals as a man. Which was to live life to the fullest, sleep with whomever you want, and leave them alone afterwards. I mean, that’s what men do. Very often even. Life was a party to her, and she couldn't get enough. How smart that writer was to put a female character like that on national television with a powerful role. It gave people a different perspective on how a woman should be versus who she wants to be.
I gave the example of Samantha Jones because even though she was a sex freak 24 7, she always knew how to be a good friend. She never left her friends in the dust, or ditched them for a man. Samantha cared about her friends and herself. You could tell on the show that she took very good care of herself even though she slept with many men. You see, not all women are dirty nasty sluts if they sleep around a lot. And I know I am speaking about a TV show, but I want to make a point by saying...Respect women the same way you respect men that sleep around. If a woman is a slut, a man is a slut too. If a woman is a tease, a man is too. A man can give it up easy just as a woman can. And the feelings of a man or woman or both important. You want to sleep with a person and then disappear right after, fine. That’s none of my business. But just know if you do that, you’re not so much a slut, you’re more like an Asshole. Thank you.