“You’re never gonna love me. So what’s the use? What’s the point in playing, a game you’re gonna lose? What’s the point in saying you love me like a friend? What’s the point in saying it’s never gonna end?...”
~Marina & The Diamonds
I had a thought the other day...a long one at that. I thought about the word “Lie” and it’s true meaning; and the way people lie and why it has become so natural for human beings to do so. I got so deep in thought about the meaning of a lie that I started to think about it actually being a positive instead of only a negative. Crazy right? I mean, why would lying ever be something POSITIVE to do. After all, no one likes to be lied to; even if they do deserve it. But even so, I continued to ponder. I remembered the lies I had told people and why I did it. It was mostly because I was afraid to tell them the truth. I was afraid that the truth would either ruin an opportunity, create a void between lovers, family, or friends, or it would cause me to be judged harshly by others who would find the real me un-appealing.
While remembering my own lies, I thought about the lies that people have told me and why it hurt so bad to learn the truth afterwards. I think what hurt me the most was the fact that I was foolish enough to believe them and let that lie go on without investigation for months, and even years. I felt blind, stupid, and totally naive. I felt like I was the most gullible person in the world, since those lies ended up being something that made me feel like I was just a pawn in a game, and nothing more. Why did I let them lie to me for so long? Didn’t I know what was really going on? I bet I was just too blind to see it because I wanted to see the GOOD in that person. But sadly, I was wrong.
When I was a kid, I thought that telling someone a so-called “Little White Lie” was okay. For example, telling your mother your grades have improved, when really you are still struggling to meet your required GPA, but you are too prideful to tell her that you just need help in class. Or when your best friend asks you if what she is wearing looks good for her first date, and you know it looks a hot mess, but you tell her she looks gorgeous anyway; afraid to hurt her feelings and lose her friendship by just being honest and saving her from humiliation. And even the classic telling your girlfriend or wife that she doesn’t look fat in that dress, when you know damn well she needs to lose some weight to be able to wear that and look correct. But because you love her and you don’t want to hurt her feelings, you tell her a “Little White Lie” just to make the situation okay and move on. But in reality, you are just making it worse; it’s like putting a band-aid on a deep cut instead of cleaning the wound first. I mean, if you really love your wife or girlfriend, you would always tell her the truth, no matter what; not sugar coat stuff just to seem like everything is perfect. (sigh) You see, back then, I thought that the type of lies you tell to make you seem more appealing, or make the other person feel better, were a positive. But does that really make it okay to lie? Even if it makes the other person feel better? Even if you make money doing it? And even if it saves time and heartache? I’m not so sure anymore...
I think that most people tell a lie because they want to make whatever it is BETTER, or they want to try and create a short term FIX to the problem instead of taking it by the roots and fixing it for good. Some people tell a lie to get out of doing something they don’t want to do, instead of sucking it up and taking one for the team. Many people lie about knowing things they really don’t know. Basically, falsifying their level of knowledge to people and themselves on paper, like a resume’, and in person, like interviews or meet and greets. Women lie about their age to seem younger because many women think men always want a young HOT girlfriend. So if a woman is a beautiful 40 year old, she could easily lie and say she is 30 just to see if it gets her that guy she’s been crushing on. But isn’t it a waste of time to lie about your age? Come on now, that person will find out eventually how old you are. Girls will lie to each other all the time about anything, even if they are friends, simply because girls can be catty, evil, jealous creatures who would rather be dramatic, difficult, and fake with each other than to just be honest, humble, classy ladies who want the best for each other. It’s sad really…because grown women do this too.
I could give examples all day long of how people lie to seem more appealing or to change the outcome of something to be in their favor. But that would take forever for me to give examples of the many lies people tell; I think we all get the picture. The bottom line is, we are all at fault for lying about something. Whether we had good intentions or not, we chose to tell a lie instead of telling the truth. From a personal standpoint, I would much rather be told the harsh damaging truth that to hear a lie from someone I care about. After all, being told a lie from someone you care about hurts more than coming from a stranger. If I need to know, I need to know, period. If It’s important, I would like for that person to tell me the truth.
Let me tell you something about me...When I was younger, my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend, and many other girls in our city. He lied to me for years about this, but I always knew something was going on behind closed doors. Once I broke up with him, and he wanted me back, years later, he finally told me what he did, and all the pieces started to come together in a perfect puzzle. Now, was I hurt so deeply it clinched my bones? Yes! Did I get angry and feel like I had been used for years? Yes, of course! Those are natural feelings you have when you find out your boyfriend cheated on you with your best friend and other women. In the end though, I was soooooo happy he told me the truth. I wished he had told me sooner so I could have saved time and a lot of embarrassment. But most of all, I was so glad he told me the truth, even if it hurt. Because of him, and what he did, I have become stronger and wiser about who I date and why. He was one of the people who helped me start my journey on how to love myself first before trying to love someone else. So, I actually, thank God that he did what he did so I could learn from it. But I’m not like most people, I can take the harsh truth, many people can’t. Now, I have high respect for people who tell me the truth and are honest with my upfront. You see, that’s what’s wrong with the world today, we have gotten too comfortable with being fake with each other. Being real and honest is seen as too forward, crazy, mean, or disrespectful. Most of us don’t even want to know the truth, but that is something you are going to have to get over in life, because it’s only going to get harder if you don’t face your fear of the truth NOW.
I do have one last statement though...Before you lie to someone you truly care about, think about what that lie will do to your relationship with that person. Maybe then, the lie will be harder to tell than the truth, and you will choose the honest route instead. As I said before, “no one likes to be lied to; even if they do deserve it.”